


We'll Get There

by qualmsoffyre



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, Episode: s05e12 Violations, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26556205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qualmsoffyre/pseuds/qualmsoffyre
Summary: Episode tag for Violations because no one ever addresses Deanna's trauma, even though they keep being super mean.Anyway, Will and Deanna deal with the consequences of mind rapeMention of rape, non-graphic, only past descriptions, nothing in the moment.
Relationships: William Riker/Deanna Troi
Kudos: 50





	We'll Get There

She couldn’t wait to get out of there. 

As soon as Tarmin had said the word, it made it real. 

Rape. 

Staring down at the table below, she could feel Will’s eyes on her, feel his emotions bubbling beneath the surface. She knew it had happened to him too, but somehow his focus was still on her. She couldn’t look back to meet his gaze. 

For the past few days, she had been able to compartmentalize; she worried about her friends, about Will and Beverly, who still hadn’t come out of their comas. But now, everything was going back to normal. And yet it was anything but normal. 

The captain dismissed them as Tarmin went back to his room to collect his final belongings after graciously and regretfully offering them the help of his planet’s physicians. Deanna stood quickly, still not looking up. She could still sense Will--and now Beverly--though both their thoughts were chaotic: pain, grief, and worry, mixed with calm and hopefulness, a suggestion that it was all over. 

“Hey,” Will murmured to her, reaching for her arm. She flinched and pulled away before he could land his hand on her shoulder. Unperturbed, he caught her hand as she walked swiftly past him. 

“Deanna. Are you okay? You didn’t say very much and I--”

“I’m fine, Will,” she snapped, more harshly than she had really meant it. She pulled her hand away, still not looking up into his worried face. “I’m just tired. I’m going to go to my quarters. I’ll see you later.” She stalked past him and through the door, ignoring him as his mouth opened to say something else, to call her back. 

Deanna hadn’t told Will what she had seen in her “memory.” She knew Picard had probably pieced it together from her terrible session with Jev, but he wouldn’t say anything to anyone; he respected her privacy. She knew she would have to tell Will eventually, because they were friends, and because he was nosy, but for some reason, now was not the time. 

Maybe it had something to do with his own healing. As a counselor, she knew it could be difficult to take on someone else’s trauma while you were still dealing with your own, and maybe she didn’t want to put that weight on his shoulders, even though she knew he would gladly take it from her if she asked. 

And also, though she could not admit it, deep down in her body, she was feeling an instinctual fear of Will. Of being near him. Of letting him touch her, see her, listen to her. 

As she arrived at her quarters, she tried to force her thoughts to let go of the past week. She thought of her patients, who she would be seeing next week. She thought of Data and Geordi, and their holodeck date they had planned for the weekend when they all had time off. She thought of her mother, and how she should send her message soon, just to get in touch. It had been a while after all. 

It must have been working, the distractions; soon enough she was ordering a mug of hot chocolate and thinking of the scheduled poker game--

The poker game. 

Deanna’s hand froze on the handle of the steaming mug. She could feel her body tense, and she bit her lip, trying not to spill the hot liquid on the floor. 

Taking a deep breath, she managed to set the mug on the table by her desk, and slowly made her way to her bed. 

It would be fine, she thought to herself, the poker game would be fine, just a friendly game between friends, and wasn’t even for a couple of days, so she had plenty of time to rest and recuperate. 

The door chimed, but Deanna didn’t feel up for visitors so she didn’t respond. Then a voice called through the door. 

“Deanna? Deanna are you okay? Are you in there?”

It was Will. His voice. 

_ Imzadi _ . 

“Will, no,” Deanna said, quietly through pained breath. 

“Can I come in?” asked Will’s voice. 

_ I can’t stop thinking about you. _

“Will, don’t,” she said louder. 

“Deanna. What’s wrong?” Will’s voice, more desperate. 

_ Imzadi… Have you stopped thinking about us? _

“DON’T!” 

“Computer, security override on Counselor Troi’s quarters, authorization Riker-alpha-one-zero!”

Deanna’s breath was coming in short gasps. Will couldn’t come in. He was hurting her. He was going to hurt her.

“Will! No! Don’t!”

Briskly stepping through her doorway, Will saw Deanna on her bed, face in her hands, struggling for breath. 

“What’s wrong,” he asked, walking towards her, his concern plainly drawn on his bearded face. Her next words stopped him in his tracks. 

“Will, please. Don’t hurt me. You’re hurting me.”

Gaping for a few seconds, Will struggled to find the words, “Deanna. You’re okay. I’m not going to hurt you. Please. Let me help you. Can I come over there?”

Her fear spiked. She scooted across the bed, placing her body as far away from him as possible in the small bedroom. “Stay away from me!” 

Will backed up, placing his back against the wall. He was terrified for her. She hadn’t told him about what Jev had done to her, but he knew from her reactions in the observation deck that it was something quite sinister. 

Now, seeing her like this, he was beginning to put the pieces together. 

Deanna was sobbing, trying to catch her breath, still huddled in the corner of her bed. She couldn’t focus enough to read Will’s emotions, to see if he really was here to hurt her, or if her mind was reliving its previous attacks. 

A voice reached through the fog of her sobs, “Deanna…” 

Her body tensed at the sound, and she bit her lip, still panicking. She was beginning to feel a little more of Will in the room. She tried to focus on him, deciding if she needed to fight. She could fight. She had fought off Jev before… But she hadn’t been strong enough to fight off the Will in her memory. 

Will had decided it was probably best not to use telepathic communication with her through their connection, since that was how Jev had hurt her before. Probing into her mind right now would probably just make things worse. Instead, he settled for a steady stream of calm reassurances, making sure he kept his distance from her and gave her the space she needed. 

“Deanna, you’re okay, I promise. I’m here, but I’m not going to hurt you. What Jev did to you was unacceptable, and I will never do anything like that. I’m here for you, to help you, with whatever you need.” 

Will paused when he saw her looking at him through her fingers, hands still covering her face. She still gasped for breath, and he wanted nothing more than to hold her and comfort her, but he stayed put. 

“Will?” she asked, a sigh more than a full word. 

“I’m here,” he replied, glad she was able to look at him without screaming. “Deanna, it’s okay, I’m just here to check on you. I’m not going to hurt you. I’ll stay right over here. Whatever I can do to help.” 

Her lip quivered, still crushed between her teeth, as if it was a method she was using to calm herself down. Her hands came down from her face, and she clasped them in her lap. Will could see her tear-stained face, and her eyes were still welling up with unshed droplets. 

“I’m so sorry!” she managed to burst out before the sobs started again in full force. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Will said, his heart breaking. “I promise, you have nothing to apologize for. Listen, can I sit by you?” He desperately needed to comfort her. 

From the contorted grimace on her face, Will thought she was going to say no, but surprisingly she nodded ever so slightly, an invitation to sit with her on her bed. He walked slowly over to her, making sure she knew where he was at all times. Gently, he joined her on the silvery bedspread. 

“Will,” Deanna said through her tears, not looking up into his blue eyes, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I just… I was so scared, and I’m sorry.” 

He shook his head. “Deanna, it’s okay. Hey, can I hold your hand? I promise I won’t hurt you.” 

She sniffled, and nodded again, more readily this time, and Will gladly but gently twisted his fingers with hers. She leaned in a little to the physical contact, almost resting her shoulder against him, but then, as if she thought better of it, pulled back, letting their hands be the only parts touching each other. Will sighed, just a bit. 

“Would it help if you told me about it?” Will asked her. “Then maybe I can do a better job of reassuring you that you’re going to be okay.” 

Deanna started to shake her head no, but then before Will could respond, she said, “He made me think that you forced me, Will.”

Will’s hand gripped hers just a little tighter, and she gasped and tried to pull away. “Will, no, please--” before she cut herself off, but Will heard the end of the sentence dangling in the air: “Don’t hurt me!” He mentally slapped himself. 

“I’m so sorry, Deanna. I didn’t mean to. It’s just, I knew he had done something to you, and that it involved me, but I didn’t--I didn’t know.”

“I know, Will, I didn’t tell you. You were dealing with your own things, and I just didn’t want to face it. I didn’t know how I would react if we were alone together.”

“Deanna…”

“Wait, there’s more. I want to tell you everything now, or I might never do it.” She took a deep breath. “He used my memory of that poker game, where we were cleaning up after everyone had left. And you asked me if I still thought about us.”

Will knew exactly what she was talking about, and he made a conscious effort to keep his face neutral, and not to squeeze her hand, which she had so trustingly replaced in his after his mistake earlier. 

“We were on the floor. Kissing. And I said we couldn’t do it, because we were serving on the same ship. And then all of a sudden you were upset. You were hurting me. And I was saying no, and telling you to stop, but you didn’t.” Her words were coming faster, as if she had to get them all out now or the world would end. “And he was watching us from the corner, as you were kissing me and forcing me and the next thing I knew I woke up in sickbay.” 

Her tears were falling freely again, and it was taking all of Will’s self-control not to stand up and punch a wall. 

“And then I did that ‘interview’ with Jev and it was like reliving it all over again. And then when he came to say goodbye in my quarters, again, and I had to fight back but he was so strong and took my communicator and threw me across the room. But Data and Worf came. And so I said I was fine, but really, it was three times where....” she trailed off, out of breath, but Will didn’t need to hear anymore. 

Gently, he lifted her chin with his finger, so she could look him in the eyes. She still blinked away tears, trying to get herself under control. She could feel his anger, now, boiling inside, and knew that it was not directed at her, but at the man who had made her feel so terrified of her best friend. 

“Deanna,” his voice shook as he said her name, “I know you know that I’m angry right now.” She nodded. “But I also need you to know that I would never,  _ ever _ hurt you like that. You know that right?”

She nodded again. “His people, they’re sending him to prison for a long, long time. Maybe the rest of his life. And for as long as it takes, I will be here, working to make sure you feel safe again, however you need that to happen. Okay? I will be here for you.” 

More tears, but Deanna nodded, and grabbed Will’s other hand with her free one. “I know, Will. I trust you.” 

She leaned in, letting their hands go free, but reaching for a hug. Will accepted the embrace, holding her to his chest. “Imzadi, you know I would do anything for you,” he said into her hair. Another nod. 

Will tightened his hold on her, and felt her body tense, and then relax, as she pressed her face into her shoulder. 

They would get there, to find healing. It might take years, but they would get there. 


End file.
